Thanks to my great pal Michael Thomas, of How to Be An Action Star fame, for the inspiration behind today’s post.

I keep digging down to try to find what’s behind all of these claims people are making.

“This fitness program will make you younger, stronger, healthier, sexy, fit, incredible, amazing, and IMMORTAL!”

“The acai super-berry drink will make you so anti-oxidized that oxygen will literally run screaming from you!”

“The Himalayan goji berry super-fuel fruit-of-God drink will make you stronger, faster, smarter, give you the energy of a 7 year old with ADHD, and cause your hair to grow back in a thick full mane that you never even had to begin with!”

Not only that, but each can of that Himalayan goji/acai drink contains the juice from approximately 1 goji berry, and half and acai berry!

Not only that! We’ve made a deal with the Himalayan farmers of the goji bush to completely own the product of their labor – in exchange for one pair of Levi’s blue jeans every year!

But wait!  There’s more!  What you don’t know is that GOJI BERRIES AND ACAI BERRIES GROW ON BUSHES!

OH YES, AND FITNESS MEANS MOVING YOUR BODY MORE, WHICH ONLY INVOLVES YOU.  MOVING YOUR BODY MORE!!!!

YES!  THAT’S RIGHT!!!  WE’RE CHARGING YOU FOR SOMETHING THAT GROWS ON A BUSH BY ITSELF WITHOUT US HELPING OR DOING ANYTHING, AND FOR ANOTHER THING THAT YOU CAN DO YOURSELF (again…uh…without us helping or doing anything?)!!!!

Wait…I’m confused.

When people used to try to sell their “snake oil” “miracle cures” back in the Old West, they’d get run out of town.  If not, they’d get roughed up a bit till they left of their own accord.  Sometimes that didn’t happen till somebody’s unsuspecting mother or brother actually bought the stuff and found out it didn’t work.  Sometimes it didn’t happen till after the charlatans had already packed up and high-tailed it out of town, looking for the next town full of victims!

Where does this come from?

It seems sort of like superstition to me:

Superstition – “a belief or notion, not based on reason or knowledge.” (courtesy, Wikipedia)

But really, superstition is more basic than that.  Superstition is based on the idea that whatever you can think up can be true.  In many cases, what we call “reason” is highly superstitious, because it’s based on our individual reason – and guided by a desire that it be so.

Superstition is what we call it when adults use their imaginations the way children do – but do so seriously…not in a playful manner.

The claims people make nowadays confuse me greatly, because they’re all so thick with the “snake oil” of superstition.

Here’s the deal – life (and I mean, the act of living, of being alive – not the habits that we call our “lives”) hasn’t changed for humans since we differentiated from the other Hominids, 200,000 years ago.  No fruit from a bush is going to make you immortal, or give you superpowers, or offer any more or less antioxidant protection than the blackberries you can pick off the bushes in your local park for free will.

Sorry to break this to you, BUT IMMORTALITY IS A MYTH!  (sorry Ray Kurzweil!)

No exercise machine or program will give you anything other than ideas or toys to use when you yourself go and exercise.

What really heals in all of those cases is the tradition that’s been passed down from generation to generation.  It’s a tradition of knowledge and caring, and it’s what really gets lost in all of the “miracle cures” – whether they’re acai berry superdrinks, or snake oil.  Funny, but in Chinese medicine, the goji berry is a medicinal fruit.  It’s used for specific ailments, at specific times, in specific doses, with specific combinations of other herbs.

Mom, or grandma, always knew what would work, because generations prior had found out through trial and error:
You got a little scrape – rub some dirt on it! (this actually works).
You have a cold – have a Hot Toddy.  That is – drink some alcohol with sugar and go to sleep! (basically what NyQuil recreated in a “grain alcohol” form).
You’re fat – get off your butt and do something you lazy bum!  And no more starchy food for you!
You’re tired – go to sleep!  Or…quit whining!
You’ve got the flu – here…eat this – chicken noodle soup heals.

Love, caring, and concern, and the respected knowledge of those who have gone before us, disappear, bit by bit, and eventually are extinct, never to return.

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