FITBUSTERS VOL 1 – the Reebok EasyTone Sneaker

POST UPDATE 2011 – Reebok to pay $25m in refunds to settle FTC charges of deceptive advertising on toning shoes. Here’s Charlie Reid‘s and my original Fitbusters post from 2009 when these things first came out:

My good friend Charlie Reid and I have put together a little video – the first in the FitBuster series – to discuss the new Reebok EasyTone shoe.

Apparently, the shoe creates “natural instability” by utilizing “exercise ball” technology in the soles.

But here, let a sexy woman tell you about it:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qCHKXICefFw&hl=en&fs=1]

First of all, these claims are total bullshit, and Reebok should be sued for creating cripples. I’ve got an idea, let’s tie chapstick tubes to the bottom of babies’ feet to create more “natural” instability, so they learn to walk faster! Better still if the folks at Reebok installed electrical wires in the seats of their chairs (which they apparently are using far too often) to get some additional “glute recruitment” that way.

Secondly, and just as importantly – I’m not sure what the camerman keeps panning to. That girl has no ass at all. She’s completely ass-less. Her legs go right up to her neck. I’m not saying she’s unattractive, she’s very cute. But when all you have to “tone” is bone, it’s not too difficult. Bone naturally has a nice firm tonus. EasyTone…Bone. EasyBone. Okay…I’m getting carried away…

witty

Chris Witty, Olympic Speedskater

In case you’re wondering how to build/tone your glutes and hamstrings, it’s simple.

HARD WORK

Yes, that’s right. You don’t get toned, firm, luscious buns of steel by walking on “naturally unstable” shoes. You get them by doing lots of sprinting, lunging, jumping, and squatting. Just like Chris Witty does for her sport. Please do more of those things.

The excuse-makers will claim “genetics!” about Witty’s gorgeous physique. But they’re always making claims about what’s impossible for them. Mostly because it’s easier to make claims than to get up and do something. So don’t claim genetics. Claim lots of ice cream and high volume squatting.

Anyway! Here’s the FitBuster Review of the Reebok EasyTone sneaker. Please enjoy:

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You are going to die

This isn’t a joke!  You are going to die…someday.

I hope that it isn’t soon, and that it isn’t painful.  But nevertheless, it will happen someday.  That’s how life works.

What strikes me as strange is the obsessiveness with which we often approach our prejudices toward certain things.  Specifically, for this blog, I’ll discuss this with relation to fitness – but it’s true of anything.

People in the fitness world have all sorts of “rules” that you’re supposed to follow.  Eat this, don’t eat that.  Exercise this much, but no more, and no less.  Do this ten times a day.  Do that once a month.  Eat these pills once after every other meal on Wednesdays.

You’re supposed to “activate your core” and build [insert bodypart here] “of steel.”  You should only drink non-flouridated water from a holy stream that trickles from the top of Everest for one month every Spring.

You need to “challenge your proprioception and balance.”  You need to do “multiplanar exercise” and get into your “heart rate zone.”

And you do!  You race around, doing all this stuff.  You eat organic, you drink the Yogic water, you practice your Asana’s, you give your Pilates instructor a cash gift every Christmas.

Then you die.

And not only do you die, but you probably die roughly around the same age as everyone else in your generation.  Maybe you live ten year longer than your fast-food-abusing classmates.  And maybe not.

Maybe you live a couple of years less than the person who ate moderately well, and exercised moderately, all those years.  And maybe not.

My point is this – there’s little credence to most of the bullshit we try to sell ourselves and each other every day.

Will fast food kill you?  Yes, in excess.  In excess anything will kill you.  Unhappiness is a killer if sustained for too long.  Too much sunlight (plus other environmental stressors…like sunscreen) will give you cancer.  Too little, also, can kill you.

You are going to die.  The most important thing is that, while you’re alive, you get the most out of it, and help others to do the same (so that they, in turn, will help you, etc.).  Do things you love to do.  Do things that make you really effing happy.  I mean – EXUBERANT.  DO THEM NOW!  And help others to do the same.

And forget about all those bullshit “rules.”  You know what’s good for you.  Do it.