Trauma and Dissociation, and a book review…

In my recent post about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, I wrote this:

I see one source in the dissociation of people from their “tools.” From everything they use, they are further and further removed. Things become “mere things.” We suddenly are no longer connected in a cycle of creation and destruction. We stand outside of it and look on…passersby, observers, voyeurs of our own self-destruction.

“Coincidentally” (if you believe in coincidence), I was reading a book today called “Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma,” by Peter Levine.

He describes the official definition of trauma as a stressful occurrence “that is outside the range of human experience, and that would be markedly distressing to almost anyone” (pg. 24, which he takes from the DSM III).

He goes on to mention that trauma can include anything, from falls or accidents, to illnesses and sad events, to the “typical” things we consider traumatic such as rapes, drive-by shootings, war, disasters, etc.

I really really (yes, that’s right, I wrote it twice) like this book, and his approach, which is based around the evolutionary/physiological response to trauma, and an approach to treating it from that perspective. More on that in a second.

The author then describes how modern civilization and technology have taught us to ignore primary, instinctual, bodily-centered resources that once helped us to deal with traumatic events.

Previously in our history, we would encounter life-threatening events, which eventually resulted in finely-tuned responses to danger. I think this capacity is part of the “thrill-seeker’s” profile – they feel a need to experience this aspect of themselves more regularly than others.

As Levine says, “Modern life offers us few overt opportunities to use this powerfully evolved capacity. Today, our survival depends increasingly on our ability to think rather than being able to physically respond…The fundamental challenges we face today have come about relatively quickly, but our nervous systems have been much slower to change…When [the need for the successful facing of challenges] is not met, or when we are challenged and cannot triumph, we end up lacking vitality and are unable to fully engage in life” (pg. 43).

Later in the book, he even quotes Tom Brown, Jr. about the process of tracking. Clearly, he is describing a method of dealing with trauma that uses what I like to call “physiology tracking” in this book.

But it was the paragraph just before a section called “Dissociation” that really grabbed my attention. In it, he writes, “When constriction [as a response to a perceived threat or danger] fails to sufficiently focus the organism’s energy to defend itself, the nervous system evokes other mechanisms such as freezing and dissociation to contain the hyperarousal. Constriction, dissociation, and freezing form the full battery of responses that the nervous system uses to deal with the scenario in which we must defend ourselves, but cannot” (pg. 136).

This state is related to helplessness, which I’ve also written about in previous posts – particularly, learned helplessness, as a result of social conditioning or social conformity.

Levine recommends, specifically, that one not try to avoid dissociation, but rather, to become aware of the feeling of that state in the body, so that one can, first, recognize it, and, later, be able to be in a state of dissociation while still cognizant and active in the world. This leads to the ability to discriminate between physiological events that lead to (or have lead to) trauma, and those that do not.

I resonate extremely strongly with this book, for many reasons. The author’s approach to dealing with one’s problems through a continuing and ongoing process of deepening self-awareness seems to be the type of powerful medicine that everyone can use in their lives. But he also recognizes that physiological responses are rhythmical, as well as the need for play and a playful attitude when confronting survived trauma (at a certain point in the process, of course).

To the last point, about play, the author talks about wild animals’ tendencies to “reenact” traumatic or dangerous events, where they will play the role of hunter and hunted, and either experiment with new strategies for evasion or survival, or repeat the tactic used in the recent event. The physical act of evasion or survival itself is immediate and therapeutic.

In humans, reenactment happens both internally and externally. Internally, it represents itself in states associated with trauma, such as hypervigilance, anxiety, psychosomatic issues, sleeplessness, or other problems. It can also represent itself through repeated thoughts about the traumatic event.

Externally, reenactment can happen either in the “acting out” of previous traumas, either by inflicting those traumas on others, or by creating ritual behaviors that reflect and temporarily mitigate those physiological upwellings; or, external reenactment can take place in the recurrence of traumatic events in relationships, where we seek out situations with others through which our trauma presents itself, again and again, the body searching for a path to resolve that old wound.

Unfortunately, usually, our initial response only repeats itself again and again. With our minds not realizing that we’re replaying these patterns for a specific reason, we succumb to habitual responses, sometimes watching before our very eyes as things crumble apart and wondering “how can this be happening again?”

More subtly still, external and internal reenactment, at some point, collide, and the victim of trauma acquires patterns of behavior that simultaneously save them from further experiences like the first, but also prohibit them from being able to confront that traumatic experience and move beyond it.

Which takes me to his final point, his solution to this dilemma. Since we are confronted with traumas that we cannot resolve through physical means, and have developed habitual physiological patterns of response to situations in which we feel the same types of threat, we have only one tool by which to work with, on, and through those physical manifestations and feelings – awareness.

Through awareness of the traumatic event, awareness of our initial response to it, acceptance of ourselves and the fact that the event happened, and finally, a developed ability to pay attention and slow down when those feelings manifest themselves again, we have acquired tools to operate in a new dimension. Eventually, the nervous system will heal, the process will become second-nature, and life can be rich and fulfilling.

On a side-note, this process, of trauma, the formation of “protective” mechanisms which ultimately lead to further repetition of trauma reminds me strongly of the pain-spasm-ischemia cycle I was taught in massage school. In that process, damage occurs to muscle, the muscle “spasms” to protect itself from further damage, but in doing so, restricts blood flow to the area, preventing oxygenated blood (and white blood cells) from getting to the area to begin the healing process and remove restrictions. The “knot” gets bigger and bigger, till it causes overt pain and movement restriction…

Levine notes that our fast-paced culture doesn’t make this an easy task. Which brings me around to the final bit of my essay here (his book continues…if you’re interested, you should buy it and read it).

As I mentioned in my previous blog entry, it isn’t just the fast pace of our culture that “shields” us from slowing down and tracking our physiologies.

In fact, it seems that much of our culture has that exact effect.

Since reading Andrew Weil’s book “Eight Weeks to Optimal Health,” back in the 90′s sometime, I’ve engaged in what he calls a “news fast.” I don’t read or watch the news. Not at all. Haven’t in years, actually. And…nothing has happened to me because of it.

Weil recommends this practice because the news has a few qualities that cause human beings trouble, and for no good reason. First, the news is typically all bad. As Gary Gnu said, “No gnus is good gnus.” Second, the news is aggregated bad news from all over the world. So, not only are you getting a dose of bad news, but you’re getting a large dose of bad news composed of all of the bad news that happened today…anywhere. Needless to say, that news doesn’t really reflect the happenings in your habitat. Fourth, almost all of the news (because of its distant relation to your habitat) will make you feel completely helpless, frustrated, sad, or angry.

Learned helplessness, reinforced, twenty-four hours a day. Thank you?

But the news, or the way we “do” news, is just one symptom of a larger thang – of our approach to life…the philosophical underpinnings of our culture, expressed through or visible in the actions of our culture, and, of course, our selves.

a quick “thang” intermission:

I think one of the roots of that philosophy is a trauma-cycle, associated with something that happened to us culturally, maybe somewhere back in the mid-sixteenth century…in fact, when we were most susceptible to trauma, in our early-childhood…the Renaissance.

Not to be a conspiracy theorist here, but I hope Dan Brown is reading this blog and writes a nice book about this idea…and figures out what that event was, because I have no idea…hahaha.

However, it does seem that some “crisis” (which in Chinese is a character composed of the two characters for “danger” and “opportunity”) occurred, which we could not mitigate or win against, and have repeated ever since.

Hell, maybe it goes even further back than that.

But what stands out to me most is the point at which we dissociated from our tool-making.

We’ve been dissociated from our habitats for thousands of years. Human beings have lived in cities and such for around 8-10,000 years. Sure that could be a factor.

And life has been relatively “distracting” ever since we’ve been in cities. Fast pace, hustle and bustle, are nothing new.

But the loss of consciousness that we are using tools – that symbols are tools, machines are tools, that mathematics and language are tools – that seems more important.

When did that happen? And why? When did we lose sight of the fact that we make technologies to help us?

Because it was at that point that we committed ourselves to a path of recurrent trauma reenactment. It was at that point that we closed our eyes to a process within ourselves (as a culture).

It was at that point that it became “necessary” to pursue pain in order to deserve pleasure. This thing we see in cubicles and offices all over the world.

It was at this point that we begin to see scarcity as our ruling dictum, and fear as its messenger.

I place it in the mid-sixteenth century because that’s the first written record I’ve seen of this same sort of question (from Etienne la Boetie – the Discourse on Voluntary Servitude).

Maybe, like the Joker’s “SmyleX,” there is no single source, but the confluence of many things, contributing to our continued replaying of history.

Suffer the Wound of Love

When I was younger, I always associated “love” with the feeling of sexual passion – the intense desire, the suffering in that desire, the longing…and the consummation of that longing and desire.

For a while, “love” was just my addiction to the chemical “squirt” in my body that I felt in moments of passion.

Now, love means much more to me. It isn’t an instantaneous thing, but a process. Love is still passion, still that desire/fire, but it is also the process of suffering the wound of separation…remaining within yourself, appreciating the other person’s path as their own, and not interfering…loving them from “so close, yet so far away.”

Or, updated a bit…

This recent article in Parade – A Connecting Flight – sums up part of this so well, I had to post it. Please read it, I think it’s worthwhile.

We often forget, in moments or relationships, in that wonderful gush of chemicals flooding our body, that there is another person, another individual, there with us. Or that we are an individual person, with our own history, issues, joys, and desires – that all are only, ultimately, experienced by us alone.

And what happens when that high wears off? When we become used to the presence of that cocktail in our system?

No one else feels what you feel. We agree on meanings of words, and approximate agreement on what we’re feeling inside by using those words…but it’s only ever an approximation.

No one ever feels what you feel. And you never feel what someone else feels.

To try to even get close requires so much space, so much observation, so much silence, and listening, that most of us never get there. But that’s what love really is…the attempt to get there. The attempt to give that much space, observation, silence, listening, care, facilitation, whatever you want to call it…

We’re so busy with our lives, with our own feelings, and our ideas of what the other person may be living or feeling, that we rarely clear space to see if we can really experience that connection.

In the article above, it often only hits us, as with so many things in life, too late. Or, if we’re lucky, when we meet someone who can wake us up to that.

Part of the goal of “physiology tracking” is knowing your own physiological responses to things, so you can see those in others. So you don’t have to rely on words – which are never good enough.

But to track, you have to be silent. You have to be careful. You have to clear your mind of opinions, and let the signs guide you.

Another goal of physiology tracking is to stay true to yourself. Only if you know yourself, your physiology, can you be aware enough to keep it in check when it threatens to overrun you, or allow it to overrun you when you most need or want it to.

Learn to be a tracker.

Desire, as my Sensei, Mick Dodge says, is Fire – it is an ember within you, and you have to carry and protect it, to tend to it, like a fire bundle, and to stoke it into life.

The rhythmic process of the rise and fall of desire/fire can be encouraged. And then it becomes a relationship with yourself, a new lens through which to see things, a new way to experience different dimensions of “reality.”

Part of love is respecting the other person’s path, their full path – the place where their desire ebbs and flows – as the thing that you loved, inseparable from the rest, and the thing that you love now.

Even if it’s the pair of slippers you trip over every day.

But to feel this, you have to agree to suffer the wound of love, the suffering (which is what “passion” really means, by the way) of the whole person of the other, of the realization that the other is complete, and you are too, and you embrace it all.

Foot Camp, 4.12.10 – Play in the Rain

Here are some pics from foot camp yesterday. It was pouring rain when I got there, but lightened up, and we ended up kicking the ball around a lot, and then did some running.

Here’s a pic of the playground as seen from the top of the pine tree:

The Playground from the top of Old Piney

and one of the field, out to the ocean in the distance:

It was really windy up there!!

It was really windy at the top of the tree, it swayed back and forth, like being on a ship!

I also did some “wind tracking” on my own…

You can track the wind on this puddle:

It’s awesome to be out in the rain, and to see it change. Don’t stay out too long though, I don’t want you to catch cold!

How to build strength – or – don’t get distracted

I’ve realized recently that I got distracted for a long long time.

While there’s nothing wrong with that, and I was perfectly happy being distracted in the way that I was, when I woke up from my distraction, I was a little upset.

I mean, I realized that I could’ve been making advances that whole time, instead of just being upset.

So I started thinking about it.  How could I have stayed on track?

There’s only one way I could think of.  It was to have had a list, some sort of checklist of stable, unchanging goals that will persist throughout my life.  I’ll call them persistent goals.

I’m not talking about to-do lists.  I’m not talking about weekly, monthly, or quarterly goals.

I’m talking about goals that persist across the years.

They’re different for everyone.  But strength – greater strength – is one of those persistent goals for me.

Greater strength is easy to measure.  It’s most easily measured in the “classic” lifts – squat, bench press, deadlift, overhead press, (and perhaps bent row and pullups, to round things out).

I’ve decided to start keeping track of that persistent goal (and a few others).  To make sure I’m always gaining on it…at least till my body just won’t anymore (but, based on the performance of 75 year old Wim Van Weenen, who deadlifted 523 pounds, I don’t have to worry about that for a while!).

I recommend that you do this as well.  With all of the fitness gadgets and fads out there, it’s easy to lose sight of your long-term, persistent goals.

Do it for everything that matters.  Right now is a perfect time to start.

Finite and Infinite Games – Review

Just finished reading James Carse’s book “Finite and Infinite Games.”

Finite and Infinite Games

Finite and Infinite Games

I can’t recommend it highly enough.  It’s incredibly dense for such a short paperback book (177 pages).  It might take a while to get through, but it’s worth the consideration and effort!

The  book isn’t strictly about “games” in the sense that we usually consider them, but applies the concept of play to human life in general – one of the things I like most about it!

Regarding fitness and health, here’s a nice quote for you:

Physicians who cure must abstract persons into functions.  They treat the illness, not the person.  And persons willfully present themselves as functions.  Indeed, what sustains the enormous size and cost of the curing professions is the widespread desire to see oneself as a function, or a collection of functions.  To be ill is to be dysfunctional; to be dysfunctional is to be unable to compete in one’s preferred contests.  It is a kind of death, an inability to acquire titles.  The ill become invisible.  Illness always has the smell of death about it: Either it may lead to death, or it leads to the death of a person as competitor.  The dread of illness is the dread of losing.
One is never ill in general.  One is always ill with relation to some bounded activity.  It is not cancer that makes me ill.  It is because I cannot work, or run, or swallow that I am ill with cancer.  The loss of function, the obstruction of an activity, cannot in itself destroy my health.  I am too heavy to fly by flapping my arms, but I do not for that reason complain of being sick with weight.  However if I desired to be a fashion model, a dancer, or a jockey, I would consider excessive weight to be a  kind of disease and would be likely to consult a doctor, a nutritionist, or another specialist to be cured of it.
When I am healed I am restored to my center in a way that my freedom as a person is not compromised by my loss of functions.  This means that the illness need not be eliminated before I can be healed.  I am not free to the degree that I can overcome my infirmities, but only to the degree that I can put my infirmities into play.  I am cured of my illness; I am healed with my illness.

(pp. 91-92)

The crux of this book is critical for those of us who want to change the way fitness is approached – by ourselves or by the “industry.”  “Functional” fitness, all the rage nowadays, is part of a larger outlook on life that confines individuals to boundaries, and attempts to confine Nature similarly.

In order to create change, we have to change the way we speak about things.  We need perspective.  This book will help.  Get it!

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A New Way to Play…

I went to the field where I lead a play-based fitness group the other day, and saw this at the baseball diamond:

HOME!  NO!  BACK!  NO!  WAIT!  RUN!

HOME! NO! BACK! NO! WAIT! RUN!

If you can see it, someone got creative with the chalk lines the day before, and basically scribbled all over the field!

Immediately I imagined two teams coming to the field that day, ready for battle, finding the rules slightly changed…

Then I thought of how much fun it would be to play on a field like this, especially after weeks or years of the same old straight lines connecting first, second, third, and home.

My friend Charlie Reid was at this park with me a few days prior to the development of the new baseball rules, and we watched a little league team playing.

“How boring,” I said.  All of the kids stood in the outfield and waited in line for their coach to pop fly balls out to them.  I presume it was for practice, but it could’ve been some kind of weeding process as well.

“Yeah,” Charlie said.  “It would be so much better if you rotated positions every play, like you do in volleyball in high school.  If no one had a set position, everyone would have to adapt to the demands of new positions.  No one would get stuck in the outfield, or on the bench.”

“Wow!  That’s a great idea!” I said.

We watched the kids in the outfield, standing in line, waiting for fly-balls…

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Razor blades in the grass…

I’m a big fan of barefooting whenever possible. However, in the city, I almost always wear either my Vibram’s, my Vivo Barefoots, or my Brooks Cross Country Flats.

A recent news piece by the San Diego News Network explains why – some asshole(s) buried razor blades in the ground in a children’s park. Not only that, but it’s happened before.

I’m always very cautious in the parks around SF, and try to be very cautious when I’m in the streets as well. As the old saying goes – an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

That goes for things like – using good form when lifting weights; making overt agreements with play partners when you’re playing games; going slowly at first, then speeding things up; warming up; and now – playing in the park!

Scout your area first, look around for broken glass or other hazards. Wear shoes. If you’ve looked around, and feel safe, you can go barefoot, but I guess you do so at your own risk.

Oh yeah, and if you see or hear of some idiot planting razor blades in a public space – call the police and report them.

Gym of the stupid

Neala Schwartzberg’s recent article on Examiner.com details the new “outdoor gym” in Albuquerque NM.

The fitness area consists of a walking course, with stations along the way where you can enjoy some reps on HealthBeat fitness equipment.

Funny, but this seems like something I remember from long ago…

Oh yes!  Parcourse trails!

We used to have those in Virginia when I was growing up.  But they disappeared by the time I left.  I think there are one or two still standing, neglected, soon to be replaced by “HealthBeat” courses.

Sleeping

Sleeping

Awake

Awake

Imagine the difference in caloric expenditure between sitting in a chair and pushing some levers (like pushing yourself away from your desk all day…”office fitness?”), versus hanging from a rope with your feet on a piece of log and having to traverse a line of similar dangling targets.

Imagine the difference in attentive demand.  Sitting (zzzzzz) versus stabilizing yourself while moving and holding on for dear life.

Granted, the “awake” picture above is from the Pilatus Seilpark in Switzerland (where they like nature, like to be in it, like to exert themselves, and drink a lot of beer), and the “asleep” picture is from Albuquerque NM…

A more realistic comparison might be to the original signs from Parcourse or Fit Trail courses that used to be scattered across the country.  Like this one:

Moving a lot!

Moving a lot!

Overhead ladder?!!  When’s the last time you got a chance to brachiate as an adult?  I’m in the fitness industry.  I look for opportunities to do this, and haven’t had a chance since the last time I was on a kid’s playground…about three or four months ago (adults aren’t allowed to be on kid’s playgrounds unsupervised by children in San Francisco…).

Again, the difference is palpable, even through the images.

Awake or asleep.

Living or dead.

You choose.

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Progressing back to barefoot

I recently read Damien’s entry on his blog at AdventureinProgress called “The Case For Minimalist Footwear.”

Damien shares his own personal journey with becoming more barefoot oriented, and the benefits its given him.

I wrote a document after the last Exuberant Animal conference called Progressing Back to Barefoot.  After reading Damien’s article, I figured I’d just put the document on my blog for everyone to read.

Progressing Back to Barefoot

Let me know what you think!  I hope it’s helpful!

Thanks!

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Anatomy 1 – Basic Structure

Anatomy means “to cut apart” or “to separate by cutting.”  That’s how you figure out what’s inside the body, so it makes sense to name it that way!

Anatomy refers to the structure of the organism – compared with physiology, which refers to the function of that structure.  Anatomy talks about the same structures as physiology, but only in terms of the way those structures are built.  In another analogy, anatomy is to architecture, as physiology is to engineering.  The architect designs the building, the structure.  The engineer designs the function of the building.

You should have a good understanding of the basic anatomy of your body.  At a minimum, know where the following muscles are, and what their actions are:
The Muscles of the Calf – Gastrocnemius, Soleus, and Tibialis.
The Muscles of the Thigh – Quadriceps and Hamstrings.
The Muscles of the Hip – Iliacus and Psoas, TFL, Gluteals, Hip Rotators, and Quadratus Lumborum.
The Muscles of the Abdomen – Rectus Abdominus, Obliques, TVA, Multifidi, and Spinal Erectors.
The Muscles of the Back – Latissimus Dorsi, Spinal Erectors.
The Muscles of the Shoulder Girdle – Rhomboids, Trapezius, Deltoids, Pectorals.
The Muscles of the Rotator Cuff – Supraspinatus, Infraspinatus, Teres Minor, Subscapularis.
The Muscles of the Arm – Biceps, Triceps, Wrist Flexors and Extensors.
The Muscles of the Neck – Levator Scapulae, Cervical Extensors.

Perform a Google image search for “human anatomy,” print out the picture, and review it on a regular basis.  Name the muscles when you see them or use them.  This will not only help you to understand the things we’ll discuss in future posts better, but it will also make you more informed generally, and better able to communicate with people like trainers, doctors, and physical therapists should you ever need to consult with one.

Most of all, the names of body parts are just words.  They’re like the words “blue,” “skinny,” “jump,” or any other words.  Because they aren’t commonly used, they seem very strange, but don’t let that strangeness put you off!

How does this relate to health?  Well, the better you know your body, the better you’ll be able to identify the source of any issues you might experience with it.  Being able to use specific names is a first step in that process.  Remember learning how to read and write?  First you had to learn the alphabet.  The words above, and the other new words you’ll learn on this journey, are the alphabet for your language of your body.  This way, we’ll all share a common language, and be able to understand one another when we talk about our bodies.