In the physiology tracking arena open to us in play are many areas where we’ve experienced trauma in our lives – whether that’s negative emotions or feelings, or physical trauma.
An emotionally sensitive place that many of us may be familiar with is trash-talk on the playground or in sport.
While it occurs, and many folks approach it from the perspective of – “why is the other person trash-talking…maybe they’re insecure/abused/etc.” – I prefer to take a different tack.
Specifically, what is happening inside you when someone talks smack to you? How are you reacting? What does that represent for you?
For some of us, talking smack was just part of the experience. It’s nothing weird, or out of the ordinary. Sometimes it results in fist fights or hurt feelings, other times in heightened aggressiveness in the game or nothing at all.
For others, it was anything from insulting and aggravating, to a deeply humiliating experience.
Many people may have experienced both feelings at different times and in different situations.
The Bard of Trash-Talk
Some of the experience has to do with our own perceived level of competence (or lack thereof) in the game being played. Some of it has to do with simple social dynamics – not wanting to feel less powerful than another person. Some still to do with our level of commitment or connection to the game – if we’re not invested in it, it doesn’t really matter.
But none of that has anything to do with how we experience those feelings, and how we use that emotional energy to get what we really want out of the game.
Instead, most of us in life fall prey to those feelings. Yes, the other person triggers them, but once they are in us, they are our responsibility.
So how do you do that?
This is a little biased, but I think play is an excellent way to confront these feelings, to work into them, to acknowledge them as part of ourselves, and then to find a way to use them to get what we want from the game.
Try playing “the smack-talk game.” In this game, we play whatever other game we want, but when one person “loses” the other person rags on them relentlessly.
Just as with any other game, communication is key. Both parties need to be able to say “a little less rough,” or “a little more rough,” if their partner/opponent is not giving them what they need to grow.
There should also be a way to call timeout or uncle, if things get too crazy. These rules should be stated up front and agreed upon.
As with all games, once the players have bowed in, everything from there on out is play. It is supportive, aimed at learning and growth, and done in the spirit of wanting to continue the play.
Your momma sucks eggs!